Okay, so now we are to my most recent failed relationship. I am going to try and be as polite about this as I can because how it ended was stupid and it was kind of a toxic relationship. I mean, I really thought I liked the guy, and this being my first relationship where I was kinda out on my own didn’t help things so.
Anywho this is the story of JS. Now, my university has a tradition the night before every home football game. Its called midnight yell, basically think of a pep rally, but on steroids. So, naturally I had gone to every midnight yell my freshmen year and another one was coming up so I asked my friend if she would go with me since it’s not something you really go to by yourself. She however had plans with her boyfriend so she gave me the number of a friend who was wanting to go to midnight yell but was like me, he had no one to go with. Originally I was skeptical about texting him because I mean, I hate new people and it’s a little embarrassing texting a guy you’ve never met before to ask him to go to something like this. However, I was desperate to have someone to go to midnight yell with me so I texted him. Basically our conversation went like this (don’t quote me, I don’t remember the exact words):
Me: Hey, this is A’s friend. She said you were looking for someone to go to midnight yell with. I’m going tonight if you want to go together.”
JS: Cool! When and where should we meet up?
Yeah, basically that was it, we made arrangements to meet up, I told him what I would be wearing so he could easily find me and we went to midnight yell together. Of course you arrive like 30 minutes early to get a good seat so I figured we had about 30 minutes of awkward silence, only it wasn’t as awkward as I thought. Talking with him seemed easy enough, we had a fair amount in common so. We talked about our interests and random stuff you normally talk about when you meet a new person and when midnight came around and all the lights in Kyle field went out I did something completely unlike me, I mugged down with a total stranger. (Okay, mugging down is at the end of midnight yell, the lights go out you kiss your date or you hold up a light and find a date) I’ve never done that before, I haven’t done it since then either. After midnight yell was over, like a gentlemen he walked me back to my dorm where we sat and talked until 2 am. He asked if he could see me again and I said yes, and actually, we saw each other 2 days latter.
Our first official date was nice. We went to a park and walked around for awhile talking, and then we laid down in the grass and just stared at the stars. It was one of those first dates that you see in movies or read about in books but never actually happens. Yeah, I had one of those, slightly more awkward than in the movies, but that kinda happens with me so. It didn’t take very long before we started actually dating and for the first time in about 2 or 3 years I started to feel happy again. JS’ birthday falls right before halloween and he told me how he and his family always carved pumpkins on that day, so since he seemed a little down about not getting to do that with his family, I took him to a pumpkin patch and let him pick out his very own pumpkin and we carved it together. Hi gift however was tickets to STX comic-con and I let him decide what we were going to cosplay as: arrow and black canary.
We only dated for three months. The first time he told me he loved me we were sitting in his car at a red light and he said something to tease me so I started poking him and tickling him and he kinda just shouted “Stop, I love you!” and all I could do was freeze. He loved me, that was the first time I guy had said it to me and I knew he meant it. In that moment I thought maybe I could love him too, but I wasn’t sure and was to surprised to say anything so he pretended like it was nothing, he lied and told me it was something he said to his siblings to get them to stop. Everything sounds perfect right? I thought so too, only I was wrong. We got into fights, little fights, things that could be easily fixed by talking things out. I thought that was what we were doing. He however was not talking his issues out. No, he hide anything he thought was wrong for me and then over winter break, he called and ended things.
I was heartbroken, mostly because I never saw it coming. I thought everything was fine, I thought that maybe I had found someone I could learn to love. Well, I found a one, just not my one. On that phone call he told me we broke up for several reasons: 1) we had problems communication, 2) I didn’t share his interests, 3) he needed to focus on school. Well, 1) I was working on it, I told him I had problems expressing my feelings but I was working on it, he however wasn’t. Instead of talking out our problems and trying to fix what was wrong he decided to leave. 2)I didn’t share his interests? We played the same games, watched similar shows, we always had something to talk about. I made him a birthday present that was made up of a bunch of his favorite things (arrow keychain, RWBY tshirt, a dragonfly paperweight I made him to go with his patronus).Okay, so maybe I wasn’t a big fan of RWBY, but just because I don’t like one thing you do we should break up? 3) I get you have to focus on school, I need to as well. I was willing to spend less time together so that we could study for tests. Hell, I would have helped him study if he wanted so saying you need to focus on school is bullshit.
Recently I found out those reasons were a lie. I was affecting his mental health so he had to end it. He could have told me. I know I suck at communicating things, I know I can be a bitch sometimes. I can be stubborn and difficult. I’m working on it. We went to fast. We went way too fast, we should have slowed down, talked more at the beginning maybe. I know they say you’re suppose to work on yourself before you date someone, and they’re partially right. He had past relationship issues that played into ours. However, some of our issues we could have worked on together. At this point I don’t really have any feelings left for him, I’m actually not even sure the feelings I had were mine. I tend to have feelings for someone specifically because they have feelings for me first.
All I can say is he should have talked to me. How is a person suppose to learn from a relationship and become a better person if you never tell them the truth. If no one ever told me I was a shitty girlfriend how am I ever going to be in a successful relationship? Least I know now that dating someone without knowing them is a bad idea, and dating someone just because they like you and you don’t know how you feel is really terrible.