“So…what’s going on in your life?”

That question is so innocent, right? For the most part you’re right, it is an innocent question, until its not. Usually for me I tell the person about what’s been going on with classes and when I finish they look at me and go “but no one new?” or “have you met anyone recently?” Now, we’ve all gotten this question, or variations on this question and almost always the answer is no. No, sorry, I don’t have time for a social life with physics and organic chemistry taking up all my time. No, I just haven’t found anyone I like. No, I’m not really looking to be in a relationship right now. All of these are probably my easiest replies, only they aren’t entirely true.

Yes, I have met someone. Actually, I met someone awhile ago. We’ve been talking and hanging out non stop. We started out as just friends, actually we’re still just friends. I’ve been flirting with him for like 3 months now? So either he’s oblivious or I’m really out of practice. I like being his friend; in fact, this is the first crush I’ve had where it doesn’t hurt to say we’re just friends. I’m not sure I can handle more than that right now, but its nice to have that feeling again. Whenever my phone buzzes and its a message from him I can’t help but smile just a little bit, I know that’s the reaction of middle school crushes but I just can’t help it. I know what all my friends would say, why don’t you tell him? Well, in truth, I’m a coward.

What if I take this really great friendship and try and turn it into something it wasn’t meant to be? I’ve done that before and it made me lose my best friend. Or, what if I already know his answer and I just don’t want to hear it out loud? What if what I’m thinking is a crush is nothing more than admiration and I act on it only to find out he feels the way I think I feel and then down the road that feeling fades and I lose another really good friend? He talks about how he doesn’t have time for a relationship like that, how he just doesn’t want to say he’ll commit to someone and then never be around. I get what he means, but from the amount of time we spend together we’re practically in one of those friendships where you think the two people are dating but in reality they just spend all their time together.

So, just for a little while longer, is it okay for me to amend my easy reply? No, I just haven’t had the courage to like the person I found.


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