2019 in Review

I've decided that in honor of New Year's eve, I want to try and write 19 things I learned in 2019, since the end of my 2019 hasn't been the best the list may include some rather...depressing things...but I am going to try and include some happy things as well. So, here it goes: Despite …

I can’t do this

"If I can't do this for you, I can't do this for anyone." But, by the end of our relationship, was I really anything more than just another person to you? By the end of our relationship you had pushed me so far away that I was starting to feel like a stranger to you. …

Friendship, Love, and Indifference

You were my friend from the first moment I met you. It was like I had known you all my life. Something just clicked. I had never been that comfortable around anyone before, especially someone I had just met. I looked forward to spending time with you, to talking with you. For the first time …

Baby Showers

We threw a baby shower today for my brother and his wife. Everyone was so happy to celebrate with them. They're starting a new chapter of their life together. I got asked a lot if I was excited to be an aunt, and I guess I am...but I've never really liked children...especially infants...so I'm not …

Should be

I slept on the couch last night...and I shouldn't have. I gave up my room to my grandmother, so I slept on the couch in the game room...but even though that isn't my bed...that isn't where I should have been sleeping last night. I couldn't sleep last night. Sayuri was up most of the night …

Claddagh

I bought a Claddagh ring in middle school to serve as a promise ring, signifying that I was saving myself until marriage. I bought it on my own, without telling my parents what it represented. I bought it because, at the time, that is what I thought I wanted, that is what the youth group …

Destination…Cancelled

9:00 am shuttle reservation, round trip, total $70.00. Basic economy, non-refundable, round trip, total $454.59. Email confirmation...email online check-in...reminder...flight in less than 24-hours. Shuttle reservation...cancelled...and credited...but...the money is spent on the flight...you only get refunded if you cancel within 24-hours of making the reservation...but I didn't know I wouldn't be welcome anymore until 48-hours later. …

Merry Christmas

I use to love Christmas. I loved giving gifts to my friends and family, seeing how happy they were when they'd open it. I used to love decorating, putting ornaments on the tree and talking about the memories tied to each one. I used to love putting up Christmas lights, and seeing how they made …

Never Again

I'm meant to be asleep right now...I'm supposed to be getting up early to help finish up Christmas stuff and then we have Christmas eve mass at 9 pm so I'll have a late night. But...I can't sleep anymore...and I'm not sure I ever will... I want to make a promise to myself...but I know …

A Matter of Heart

I don't really know how to do much anymore...and it is getting harder to hide it. I haven't had to fake being happy...or at least okay...in a couple years. I haven't had to pretend that I'm not...me...since high school. I know there's something wrong, I can feel it...even if my doctor says I'm fine. Something …