Objectified…

I don’t understand why people sext.

I don’t understand how someone who barely knows you thinks it’s okay to ask you what your bra size is. Or what underwear you wear.

I don’t understand why they think it’s ok to offer to be your “sugar daddy” or think that you would even be interested in that.

I don’t know why they think it’s okay to say they’ve stared at my breasts, or that they’re “very nice” or that I have a “nice body”.

I don’t know why they think it’s okay to offer to send pictures of their penis “if I want them” or that he could help with any “physical needs” I have.

I don’t know how to make things more clear that I’m not interested. I don’t reach out to them unless I have a question about an assignment.

I told them after my break up that I didn’t want to date, not just them but anyone.

I feel dirty, like an object someone thinks they can use. I am more than a body or something you could pleasure yourself with. I’m more than something you can just stare at. I haven’t felt this objectified since…8th grade with JM.

I just…I want someone to look at me the way Tadpole did. I was more that just a “nice body”. I was a person with a mind he loved. I want someone to look at me for my smile or my eyes and not for my “nice rack”. I want someone who actually wants to have intellectual conversations with me. I want someone who wants to go on adventures and try new things with me.  I want someone who would rather play video games with me then have sex…because honestly…I don’t want that. I want someone who I can cuddle with, without it leading to anything further. I want someone who looks at me like a person…

I want to belong again…