I went to another counseling session today…and I felt okay going in…and felt like trash coming out.
It started off just talking about my family. Who am I close to? How is my relationship with my parents? Where are my siblings now?
Then it moved to friends. Do I make friends easily? Do I have close friends? Why are they my close friends? How often do I spend time with my friends?
What about romantic relationships? Have you had many serious relationships? Can you tell me about your high school boyfriend? What about the guy freshman year? How does it make you feel being aro/ace?
Have you ever experienced any physical abuse? What about sexual assault? Is it something that we need to talk about more? Have you have been emotionally abused?
Why do you feel out of place? How do you feel about going to therapy? What do you want to get out of therapy? Being around friends and family doesn’t help? So, what’s changed then?Does that make you feel like trash too?
I know all these questions are meant to help her understand me and what’s going on…but I felt like I was under a microscope. I just felt so…cold…and exposed. I felt so….vulnerable. she left me with an assignment to do before our next visit…and I don’t know how i feel about it.
I’m meant to write a letter addressed to Tadpole…I’m meant to write everything that I feel…everything he’s made me feel. I just…I want to put him behind me, I don’t want to waste any more of my time on someone who very obviously isn’t going to give me another second of theirs. I don’t have to send the letter…but I do have to write it…and read it to her…
iratus erinacius 
Don’t give up! It takes time but worth the time and vulnerability. Write as much as you can.
Feeling ugh after a session is hard but will subside. You have had to open up some closed areas in life that brings thoughts and feelings to the surface. Be patient with your counselor and yourself. ML 😊
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